A Tale of Two Versions

As every author knows, you often end up with multiple versions of a novel's manuscript on your computer. Mine go something like this;

Version 1 is the really rough one. Often doesn't have much formatting in it, no speech marks, sometimes notes instead of proper sentences.

Version 2 is the first polish. Fills out the story, gets formatted, looks much more 'proper'. Usually ends up hanging together as a story much better. 

Version 3 is often the 'voice' version, where I really get into my character's head and often rewrite sections from their point of view. It's really where the story comes alive, and often the one that gets sent to beta readers - or the publisher if I'm feeling really confident about it.

Well...

You remember I had a bit of a rough time just before Tilda #2 was published and launched? (It went great, by the way - a few issues that others might like to learn from, but I'll blog about that another time).  I was working on Version 3 of Tilda #3. I'd found a few glitches and worked out some issues, but took a break from the third novel to give Tilda and the Mines of Pergatt a really good start.

After the launch, I picked Tilda #3 back up - and realised that, although I had begun working on a third version, at some point I'd switched to Version 2 of Tilda #3 to continue working on. 

This means I now have a beginning of Tilda #3, Version 3 that's been tightened and put into Tilda's voice, and a middle of Tilda #3, Version 2, that's had the same treatment. 

You'd think it would be simple to fix - just combine the two bits of the different versions and carry on, yeah? 

Nope. 

Cos when I was working on Version 2 more recently, I was grappling with some issues that had implications for the earlier part of the novel - and I went back in Version 2 to change them. This makes it VERY complicated to use Word's combine/compare function, and I decided not to go down that route for fear of complicating matters even further.

I'm left with two versions of the same novel, neither of which is the most up-to-date on its own.

This has resulted in me printing out a hard copy of Version 3 and transferring any sections I changed in that to Version 2 on the computer, mainly because Version 2 is the larger file which suggests there is more content in it. The result is Tilda #3, Version 4. 

It is slow, painstaking work to correct. Every now and again I come across a section and I don't know which version has the most recent changes in it - both sound OK. As a result, Version 4 - in places - has ended up with something entirely different again. Hopefully it'll all come together in the end. 

I'm just thankful I realised before I sent anything off to the publisher... 

Half a polished novel, anyone? 

At least I don't have this many versions on the go...

Soxploits - or a Coronasock update

The pace has slowed, but I've not stopped knitting... 

Since I last wrote about my soxploits, here and here, I've knitted even more. Think I might need help for this unusual addiction, cos I counted how many pairs I have in my drawer, and I reckon it's almost three dozen! Makes it easy to do a full wool wash of socks though.

Anyhoo, onto what I've created more recently. 

The first pair I knitted since my last update, I didn't keep. The wool was a bit of a pig to knit with for a start and I knew if I wore these, I'd remember the issues I had with them rather than enjoy wearing them. Strands of wool are twisted you see, and sometimes the 'twist' goes opposite to the way you naturally knit, in which case your lovely smooth wool begins to separate into thinner strands. Or the twist goes with the way you naturally knit, and in some cases ends up twisting the length of wool back on itself. As it did in this case. (Sometimes you can prevent this from happening by starting your knitting from the middle of the ball, but as I couldn't find that end in this particular ball, I was stuck.)

Anyway, the number of times I had to dangle my socks in thin air to allow the wool a chance to untwist itself... Ugh! The colours didn't knit up how I expected them to, either. The label states no two socks will be identical, and that's fine, but the stripes of each colour were so wide, one sock ended up green and the other pink. Didn't like that, either.

Fortunately, a neighbour had asked me to knit her a pair of socks (and for sock-knitting lessons once we're allowed to meet up) and as her feet are the same size as mine, I gave her these.

The next sock project was for a friend I met at Charnwood 2016; Bridget had two pairs of West Yorkshire Spinner socks already (you can buy them direct from the company) but she asked me for another, long enough to be welly socks. So...Passionfruit Cooler was the wool she chose, and when it arrived I got knitting. I used a different pattern this time - one which uses a 3.25mm needle instead of the 2.5mm I'm used to, because as this was a longer sock than I'm used to knitting, it might speed things up. 

When I got to the toe of the first sock I posted it to Bridget, to check the sizing. All good, so when she posted it back, I finished the toe off, knitted the other sock and sent them off. They looked a bit odd, because they were knitted all in rib; it's a very stretchy pattern but the garment always appears too thin to fit when it's off a body. I chose rib because I'd wanted to be certain that, if my tension was a bit off on the different sized pins, the socks would be more forgiving when worn. 

Pair number eleven completed.

My rainbows on the left and
Bridget's welly socks on the right.

And then I knitted my rainbow socks... Squeee! Again, West Yorkshire Spinners wool (they are my new favourite brand, I think) in shade Rum Paradise. And yes, I know it's pink rather than red before the orange, so it's not a 'proper' rainbow, but I just love the colours. 

I had to get a bit clever on these, otherwise the stripes would have been wider and then all out of sync when I got to the bottom of the heel and beyond. So I ended up only knitting three/four rows of each new colour down the heel (lots of ends needed to be sewn in as a result!) and by luck rather than judgement, it all worked out so my colours continued in sequence. Hooray! Pair twelve...

They are gorgeous to wear...

 

And then I went on to pair thirteen. I should've guessed there'd be problems, by the number. The lovely plain purple merino is gorgeous to knit and shows lace beautifully (I'd already knitted two pairs in this brand of wool) but could I get the lace pattern I wanted to knit right? Could I heck. I eventually chose a 'zig-zag cable' pattern, which isn't a true cable at all, and they worked out fine; the end result was worth the hassle.

 

And onto pair fourteen... Another WYS pair, in either English Rose or Peony, I can't remember which! It's a lovely pinky-purple tweedy effect when knitted, but boy oh boy. Previously I'd knitted almost a whole sock in it before deciding I didn't like whatever pattern I'd used and pulled it all back. The wool has been sitting in my wool bag now since before Christmas, and I've not felt inspired to do anything with it. The time felt right to have another go.

I found a basketweave cable. Didn't like the look of it. Tried a lace pattern. Didn't like that, either. Tried another...aaaargh! Nothing looked right! I needed something that complimented the tweedy effect, but...then I started playing. I made up a pattern, based on a widened and elongated moss stitch and at last, I was off. And finally, I have socks I like!

 

My next two pairs will be for an old uni friend and her partner, who live down-under; they'll be odds-and-sods versions so I'll share them when they're done, cos I never know what they're going to look like until I get going on them!

At least you won't be bored reading about socks again any time soon... There's some news to be posted later this week about an official book launch event for Tilda and the Mines of Pergatt, so keep your eyes peeled for that, and get your competition entry in soon!

Bye for now!

A little bit of flash...The Midsummer Madness

Wrote this for the 'Midsummer Madness' themed monthly competition in the Den of Writers...it was chosen as winner. (I get to set July's challenge now).

Anyway, I thought I'd share it with you, 'cos I'm rather proud of this one. It's less than 400 words.

The Midsummer Madness

“Are ye well prepared?”

Aliz nods, her eyes wide and dark in her face. “I soaked the rope in rosemary water like ye said, an’ the pegs were whittled fresh from holly.”

“Good. And the other?”

“I have it.”

No tremor in her voice. Will she remain as unaffected if she is forced to use it?

“Good.” I tap my finger on my top lip and glance around the clearing. Have I missed anything? The symbol is marked on the floor with white flour, thick black candles stand at each of its points, the jug is filled with rosewater… “Let’s get on, then.”

Aliz sprinkles the rosewater and the scent of summer blooms hang heavy in the air, masking the rancid stench of fear.

The earth is warm through my shirt when I lay within the floured sign. I keep silent as the still-damp ropes bite into my wrists and ankles, their aroma sharp and cutting against that of the roses. The ground vibrates under me as the pegs are hammered in and the other ends of the ropes secured.

Curtains of black hair frame her face when she leans over me.

“Is all done?”

She nods.

“Ye will stay by me, and watch to see if the madness descends?”

“Aye, my love.” She brushes my lips with her own.

“And if it does, ye will end me?”

Her eyes close then, shutting me out. But she nods. Again.

“Then move to yon trees and wait. Keep the blade near.”

I turn my face away so I will not see her leave. So little time we’ve had, Aliz and I, but if the madness descends on me, as it does on some men on the Midsummer of their twenty-fifth year, she will at least have something to remember me by.

Pray hope the babe in her belly is a girl, for I would not wish this uncertainty on any son. And I doubt I have Aliz’s strength to end a life if, by some miracle, I survive this night.

National Writer's Day

No, I didn't know there was one either! But there is, led by First Story. You can find out more about it here , but essentially it aims to promote and celebrate the pleasure and power of creative writing.

As part of the day, there's a challenge... 

HOW TO DO THE #247 CHALLENGE:

1. Write a 24-word story on a piece of paper (or record on video) starting with ‘One day…’
2. Take a photo of your story or take a photo of yourself with your writing
3. Share your original pieces of writing via Twitter, Instagram or Facebook, using #247challenge.
4. Tag three friends!

Simple! Why not have a go?

Here's mine:

That sinking feeling...

I was in two minds about posting this, because it deals with a rough time recently which resulted in a few issues around the publication of Tilda and the Mines of Pergatt. 

However, I decided to go ahead and share this with you because it's another pointer towards how hard writing and publication can be when you're not completely focused. I have to say that I'm really thankful for the support of the team at Bedazzled Ink in this, which made it possible to still meet the intended publication day; they cover pretty much every aspect of the publication process themselves, and I didn't make their job easy with this particular novel!

So what happened?

In January, I received the edit from Bink. I worked through that OK and sent it back a few days later for the typeset to be prepped. Bink also worked on the cover design (which I LOVE!) and the blurb, so although there was radio silence for a while, I knew cogs were turning furiously behind the scenes.

Then - COVID. The world went a bit mad, and my head wasn't good with the weirdness of everything. I fought the panic attacks of my first post-lockdown shopping trips, stayed at home, and kept on editing Tilda #3 while I waited for the typeset of Tilda #2. 

We settled a bit more into the new 'normal' and got to May 8th...when my father-in-law died. (Thought to be Covid related, but not confirmed).

Things got a bit blurry after that, as you can imagine. And in the middle of that particular cloud of grief, the typeset arrived. I worked my way through it, using it as a distraction, and sent it back on the 20th.

But something was niggling at me. There were a couple of places in the novel where I felt I'd not explained things properly or there was a lack of consistency with the first book. On the 22nd, I emailed Bink to say that, as much as it pained me to say it - we were at the typeset stage, for Power's sake! - I didn't think the book was ready to be published. Could they give me a bit more time to address the issues?

Bink might well have had a facepalm moment in the office, but they never hesitated; I was given a week. 

In hindsight, I realise I was not in a good place mentally - haven't been for a while - and probably should have given the edit much more time. The Black Dog that people talk about had actually been loping alongside me at a distance since well before January; since lockdown he's been an awful lot closer at times, and I finally recognised him for what he was. I'm still up-and-down a bit, but on the down days, I allow myself the time I need to do something that doesn't involve concentration...

Back to the book. 28th May saw my typeset notes returned to Bink. A day later there was a revamped typeset back with me for final read through and I still found things to change! Mainly cos I'd missed them before, but also as a result of the changes I'd asked for previously. (I wonder if there is a record of how many times something's been read and changed and faults are still being picked up?) 

Either way, on the 1st June, Tilda and the Mines of Pergatt was published digitally - hooray! Paperbacks would follow! All done!

Not quite. June 9th, I had a surprise delivery; I videoed myself opening the box!

And then, as I began to take photos to post on the Scribbles, my heart sank. I realised there was a typo on the spines... The title was Tilda and the Merjan. Talk about being in the clouds one minute, and dashed to earth the next. My first reaction was, what would readers think if they'd ordered books already and they arrived with a duff spine title? 

But within 24 hours, and even considering the time difference between us, Bink were on it, had made the changes, sent the cover flat to me to double check it, and the new cover version was on its way to the printers. 

If you do receive a copy with the wrong title though, hang onto it - I'm reliably informed by Bink that some book collectors pay good money for copies that have mistakes on them. So when I'm rich and famous, you might be able to cash in! I have forty of them myself...they will either have a corrected 'patch' added to the spine, or be sold as is - both cheaper than a 'proper' copy - at some point in the future...

It's all been a bit mad, but we've come through and out of the other side and I'm still smiling. 

At least I've learnt to recognise the Black Dog so I can take steps to keep him at a distance in future - or not tackle important stuff when he's trotting at my side.

How to Launch a Book - Digitally

I've started to think about how I mark the publication of Tilda and the Mines of Pergatt.

An actual launch is, most likely, going to be out of the question. Heck, I don't even know if the physical book is going to be available initially, or if it will start off as an ebook only. So Tilda 2 isn't going to be getting the kind of launch party I threw for Granny Rainbow...

But it's always good to celebrate publication, and some people are doing it virtually in this time of social distancing and restrictions.

My dilemma is related to my target audience. My novels are aimed at middle grade readers - 9+ years - and for certainly the lower end of that scale, you wouldn't expect the kids to have access to some forms of social media. An interactive chatroom kind of launch is therefore pretty much out of the question. Of course, I realise that a lot of my readers are a bit older and potentially could do chat rooms etc, but I want to be as inclusive as possible to ALL readers.

So what could I do instead? Here are a few thoughts

1. Ask for questions in advance, and answer them as part of a recorded Q&A that goes up on youtube.

2. Record myself reading the first chapter of the book.

3. A competition - perhaps I could do some illustrations in a print copy (assuming they are available) and you win that if you send me a pic of you, with the book (digital versions would be allowed!) as your entry? I did it for Tilda of Merjan. (read about it here.)

4. I can't remember the name for it, but a campaign to share across social media something about Tilda 2 - photo, snippet of text, a link to wherever the book is being sold - on a specific date and time.

5. Some kind of homemade book trailer...

Would you even bother tuning in to a virtual launch, or simply buy the book to read?

Hmmm... It would be good to know what you think, as I'm relying on you, Reader of the Scribbles, for support!

Coming out the other side of covid-19

So after almost 8 weeks of lockdown, the UK is beginning to open up.

There are very different views on this, as you might imagine. Some want things to happen quicker, to get the economy going again. Others are saying it's happening too fast, considering how many people have already died and combined with the fact that the all-important R rate is so close to 1, it will take very little to allow the virus to take hold again.

My own personal view is that as a country, we should have acted firmer, quicker. We should have continued testing and tracing in the early stages. We should have taken notice of predictions years ago that a pandemic was bound to happen sooner or later, and we should have been better prepared for it when it came.

However, hindsight's a wonderful thing.

Suffice to say that Family Squidge are very much still staying at home at the moment to see what happens in three weeks time... We have been bereaved once because of Covid-19, and we don't wish to experience any more losses.

So how are we coping?

We've settled into a routine of slow starts and late nights. As the Squidgelings continue to complete uni assignments and revise for exams, we tend to do our own separate things during the day and come together every evening for dinner. The highlight of the week is pizza night - often on a Friday - when Mr Squidge makes the dough and we all choose our own toppings. It's better than any takeaway!

I'm still posting daily positives on facebook so that even on the toughest of days - when I have no motivation or feel I've not achieved anything - I can look on the day and find something good. There's only been one day when I really couldn't find anything positive, and in posting that very fact I found it; the kindness and care of friends.

I'm still struggling to write. This is partly due to increased interruptions from the family, but mainly because I can't seem to concentrate. My brain seems to want to flit from one thing to another, which means that I have knitting, colouring, writing, quilting, and embroidery projects on the go at the moment. I'm plugging away a little at a time when I do have the brainpower and focus. I've been doing some critique for a couple of friends though - somehow finding things to improve is a lot easier in someone else's work than in my own at the moment!

Church is problematic. I've had times in my life when I've felt far from God - the advice is usually 'pray harder!' At the minute I feel as though I'm relying on others to pray for me, as I can't find the words. It's not as though there isn't any church at all - I've been astounded and moved by the way the church has mobilised itself to continue to meet the spiritual needs of Christians and the practical needs of people in communities at a time when the physical buildings are closed. My own church has a weekly online service, which is great, but it's not the same. Might never be the same again...

And I think that sums up this point of the pandemic in a nutshell for me. It's a very different life we're living at the moment, and we're nowhere near 'out the other side'. We've perhaps jumped over the first hurdle, and are beginning to adapt, but life will be lived on the edge for some time to come yet.

Photo: New Scientist

Squidge's Writing Prompt #1

I realised I haven't written much about writing recently. You can thank CV-19 and my current fixation on knitting socks for that!

However, I have been posting prompts in our NIBS (writing group) facebook page as we can't meet in person under current UK restrictions. And there have been some surprising results. I received two emails out of the blue from folk who either don't or can't attend meetings due to distance; they were sharing what they had written as a result of the very first prompts I posted. They were lovely pieces, too - bowled me over!

Now, although there are lots and lots of prompts out in the world already, (just search 'writing prompts for...' and you'll see what I mean!) I've decided that I will start a habit of posting a weekly writing prompt here on the Scribbles. I will endeavour to try to write something myself based on it and share it with you. There's no pressure to share what you write yourself unless you want to (if you do, either post a short piece (200 words max) in the comments below or post it to your own blog if you have one and paste a link below) however it would be good to know if you find the prompts helpful.

Here goes...have fun.

Squidge's Scribbles Writing Prompt #1

There were two stark choices. 

One : open the box. 

Two : don't.

Musical mayhem, mid-Corona

The Squidgelings are both rather musical.

Squidgeling J plays violin and recorder very well, but has also dabbled with guitar, mandolin, viola, harp, penny whistle and piano, and is currently teaching herself the melodeon to accompany the Folk Society at their sessions.

Squidgeling T's main instrument is the bass guitar, but he is also pretty proficient on 'normal' guitar, has dabbled in keyboard and played the double bass previously, too.

Being in lockdown - and at home for an Easter holiday that's been indefinitely extended for the foreseeable future - Chateau Squidge has therefore been rather more music-full of late. I've really enjoyed hearing folk tunes from one bedroom and bass lines from another.

However, one unintended consequence of the shutdown and imposed social distancing has been the desire to learn - and manufacture - even more instruments.

Chateau Squidge has been echoing to the sounds of;

1. A homemade low flute, made from a length of pvc pipe using some very detailed instructions.

2. Homemade bagpipes, cobbled together from a bin bag, a straw, the new low flute, a recorder, and plenty of gaffer tape. (If you fancy making some yourself, here are the instructions!)

3. An alto saxophone. Now, Mr Squidge is talented, (he helped make the first two) but not THAT talented. He hired one, as T expressed a desire to learn the sax and this seemed a better way of trying it out than committing to a purchase.

Cat in a (sax) box

By the end of today, J had played recognisable folk tunes on both the low flute AND the bagpipes (the latter was rather short and sweet because there's a knack to keeping the bin bag topped up with air through the straw) and T had managed to work out how to play (a rather ropey version) of 'Happy Birthday' on it - a challenge set by Mr Squidge for T to achieve in time for his birthday at the end of April. (Thank goodness for the garden room - it was definitely easier to listen to the sax from a distance...)

Not sure what tomorrow holds...

Maybe earplugs? 

Me - on film!

Well, that was an experience!

There are lots of people turning to video as a way of keeping in touch, keeping fit (I had my first virtual dance class last night in my garden room!), helping to keep kids educated, etc etc etc.

We're finding it rather useful at church, too, especially now that the UK is virtually in lockdown and all places of worship are closed, even for private prayer. The vicar's already posted her first short video message, and our leadership team have held our first virtual meeting, too.

As part of our attempts to keep in touch, we're trying to encourage folk to get involved, and one of the things we're focusing on is rainbows; It started in Europe, where children stuck rainbows in their windows to cheer each other up, and it has spread.

For me, rainbows are important. One of the earliest posts on the Scribbles said a little bit about it...you can revisit it here. So how could I resist an opportunity to put a rainbow in my window...? Yesterday, one of the highlights of my day was to see a little boy - dressed in a superhero costume, out for a walk with his mum and younger sibling - who stopped outside my fence and yelled "Found one!"

So the two things of course had to be combined; I made a video for our church community, encouraging them to get involved by putting a rainbow in their window too.

Assuming I've done it right, you'll be able to see it below...

So if you feel like joining me, stick a rainbow in your window, too! 

Stay safe, Scribblers!

The Rollercoaster that is COVID-19

Last Wednesday, I felt remarkably upbeat. I was getting creative, and felt like I was coping with the changes we were seeing in society because of Covid-19.

However, things don't feel so rosy any more.

Every day since then has brought new restrictions, new closures, new ways of 'being'. The Squidge family has done their best, but it hasn't been easy... Personally, I've found myself very much more up-and-down. I have experienced an overwhelming mixture of emotions, often in just one day. Here are a few of the strongest.

Fear. Mainly of the unknown - when will we fall ill? How bad will it be? When will UK life be locked down? Will the NHS cope?

Sadness. We have had to deal with the limitations which need to be enforced at church - there's no public worship, and we've seen weddings cancelled and funerals limited.

Gratitude. There are lots of folk doing Good Things for friends and neighbours, or trying to give people access to activities online, or helping to calm and reassure those who are finding things difficult.

Worry. Almost constant, for family and friends who are vulnerable due to age or underlying health issues, or for those close to us who have been classed as key workers and continue to put themselves at risk of infection.

Anger. Directed against people who ignore the restrictions and guidelines which have been put in place to try to protect those who are most vulnerable and who are going to be working hard to protect us.

Disbelief. Life will probably never be the same again. We will always live with B.C and A.C - before Covid-19 and after Covid-19.

Joy. Seeing rainbows in windows, sharing comedy videos with the Squidgelings, taking a (safely distanced from others) walk and seeing signs of spring in my own and other people's gardens.

Panic. Needing to go out for some basic supplies like bread or cereal, and seeing empty shelves or no way of keeping a safe distance from other customers in a crowded store.

One minute I feel calm and content, editing Tilda 3 or colouring in my devotional book or reading or knitting. The next, it all comes crashing in again - the reality of what we are faced with - and I find I can't stop the tears from falling.

So yeah, it doesn't feel like a good place to be at the moment. But as one friend told me, when I posted I was on the verge of a panic attack after a trip to the local Aldi, talking about it all helps and there ARE things I can do to protect my mental health.

For anyone else who's struggling like me at the moment...you are not alone. Isolated, yes, but not alone. Do whatever you need to, to find the light in these dark times. In fact, I shall be lighting a candle in my window at 7pm tonight, to remind myself of the ultimate Light, Jesus.

Look for the light, and call out the darkness so it doesn't get a grip - on you, on your emotions, and on how we face this crisis together.

Love to you all. Stay home and stay safe.

Photo by Marc Ignacio

Keeping Yourself Motivated (When Your Writing Needs a Retreat - Part 3)

The second workshop with Isabel Costello at the retreat was about Motivation, and followed on from Inspiration the previous day. It was based around a series of workshops that Isabel already runs with Voula Tsoflias, called Resilience for Writers, but the skills - once learned - can be applied to any life situation.

The definition of motivation is much easier to pin down, and less subjective, than that of inspiration; 'the desire or willingness to do something; enthusiasm.'

Now, I've had slumps. Times when I simply can't be bothered to do the thing I know I need to do. It's lost it's spark; I've fallen out of love with it; someone has prevented me; I don't want to do it, or Life gets in the way. So this workshop really helped me to think through what motivates me - and how I manage to claw myself back from setbacks.

First, we were asked WHY we wrote. The reasons were many and varied. My own were to encourage children to read, and because fantasy is a chance to leave the real world behind and immerse myself in another place. And because I enjoy creating those other worlds...

Some of the other reasons were;

• I enjoy it
• characters can do/say the things I can't
• I can broach difficult situations
• I can't not
• I love words
• it's a safe place to be somebody else
• to connect with other people
• because no-one else is me.

NOBODY said 'to get rich and famous.' 

Have you ever listed the positive qualities of your writing? I bet most of the time you end up saying 'it's not my best. It's not very good. It's probably rubbish...' We were challenged to write down three good things about our writing. The qualities were very personal, and in some cases demonstrated how difficult we find it to accept that we do things well. Was it because we were women and not used to 'bigging ourselves up'? Or our British restraint? 

Having listed these positives, how often did we allow ourselves to think those thoughts? My answer was 'every time I read a badly-written book.' But even then, it's not very often... So what ration of time did I spend taking time for positive reflection compared to negative criticism? Well...let's just say 'could do better.'

To build on the idea of being positive about our writing, we were invited to recount our proudest or happiest writing moment. They were; 

• being anthologised - it was like being made a saint. (This one resulted in the person being referred to as 'Saint X' for the rest of the day - but we all knew what she meant.)
• finishing a story - this is a huge one! (So many people 'have a story to tell' but never actually write it or get to the end of it once they start it.)
• a friend reading the author's book about a family issue which subsequently gave the friend hope for her own situation. (How often does sharing our own hard experience help someone else?)
• overcoming the fear of having dyslexia to reading aloud for the first time in a writer's group. (Fear can be an old, old friend...it's good to be able to kick its butt every now and then.)
• winning a competition at a comedy festival. (Always a fabulous moment.)
• when the agent read the author's book on the train, and ended up laughing so hard, the man sitting opposite her moved away. (What more could you ask for, when writing comedy?)
• attending an assembly, watching children act out a story they'd written collectively, based on a character created by the author. (Still gives me the grins, years later!)
• the debut novel launch party! (Celebration most definitely in order.)

We decided we should celebrate our fabulousness - and visualise success to make it happen.

And that's where the resilient thinking comes in. Because we're used to focusing on the negatives - I'll never get published, I'm a rubbish writer compared to..., things will never get better - and our negative thoughts make us feel bad and then we act in unhelpful ways, (albeit not always consciously) we need something to help us 'to recognise and adapt unhelpful thoughts and beliefs to recover more quickly from setbacks'. 

It's based on CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - which encourages you to change the way you think about how you feel, and change the way you feel about how you think.

This was demonstrated by Isabel asking us to place different words relating to feelings into quadrants labelled: negative emotions, high energy; negative emotions, low energy; positive emotions, high energy; and positive emotions, low energy. There was quite some discussion during this activity, and it got quite emotional as certain negatively charged words struck a chord with us. Once the words were down - there was no right or wrong answer as to where they should go - Isabel relabelled the quadrants. They became zones of survival mode, burnout, inspired, and recovery. As you might expect, all of us felt we created our best work when experiencing feelings that resided in the positive emotion areas, although most of us associated this with 'recovery' feelings rather than 'inspired' ones. The trick was to recognise your own personal sweet spot, and do your best to move yourself from either of the negative quadrants back into it. 

All of us looking very thoughtful, trying to decide if the words were in the 'right' places
(Moira's photo) 

There was also a lot of discussion around what happens to put us into the negative emotion areas. Husbandly interruptions featured highly (!), with social media a close second. There were much bigger issues mentioned too - lost publication deals, unsupportive friends, family crises - which were obviously situations that lay outside of our control.

What DID lay within our control was how we thought about all of them. Yes, we would acknowledge the situation and the pain it caused, but we didn't have to let it dictate what happened afterwards. 

This has to be something you learn to do, because it requires a certain level of self awareness and that isn't always an easy thing to develop. For a start, in order to be more self-aware, we have to expose our vulnerabilities - one of the retreatees likened it to picking a scab and allowing yourself to bleed - and the places where those vulnerabilities stemmed from. That's not an easy or comfortable thing to do, but if it's understood why we might be feeling the way we are and can then rationalise our catastrophic thoughts as a result, perhaps we stand a chance of changing our actions that follow into something more positive. 

I think I'm already fairly resilient-ish regarding writing. For example - I've picked myself up after rejection. Sometimes, I admit, I got depressed and didn't write. At others, I got angry and thought 'I'll show you'. I know which worked better for me... I realised that it's easier to apply to writing - because that's more in MY control. I find it harder to apply the same principles to situations in my life when I'm not in control of external factors and I'm more emotionally affected, but I'll keep trying.

Going back to motivation then...resilient thinking can help keep you working on a project - like trying to get a novel published and it taking ten or more years (StarMark!) to achieve. But it might need something extra too. Here are a few things that were suggested. 

Make a list of achievable goals. Especially if, like me, you write a long list of BIG things and end up feeling overwhelmed. Break it down into smaller chunks, cross off part-jobs. Or - and yes, I do this! - add completed jobs that didn't originally feature on the list, to the list, simply for the satisfaction of crossing something off! 

Set a time limit. Tell yourself you're going to write for an hour. That's all. Just an hour. And then get on with it. The Writing Room offers extreme versions of this - you set yourself a goal for the session in a room full of writers, and at the end you see what you've achieved. 

Set a word count instead. Doesn't matter how many, but be realistic about how many words you think you can achieve in a specific time period. And if it proves to be too high, don't feel bad about changing it down until you hit a number that seems to be working out for you.  

Visualise your success. It does work, because your conscious and subconscious brain try to come into alignment, but you need to remember that what 'success' means is different for everyone. What is your personal measure of success?

Celebrate the steps along the way, not just the destination arrived at. End of a chapter, a thousand words, finishing the first s****y draft...

And finally, a personal faith-based example of my own; years ago, I was struggling to pray in a particular way. A visiting minister preached about how he'd had exactly the same problem, and shared the advice he was given. 'Pray in the way that you CAN,' he was told. 'Not in the way that you CAN'T.' 

Ultimately, I reckon to keep ourselves motivated in writing, we each need to write in the way that we can, not in the way that we can't. And to do that successfully, we need to be able to recognise both what keeps us in our personal positive sweet spots, and what we can do to make it easier to get back there when life takes us to the dark side.

So here's to finding the silver lining in every cloud, and keeping going when things get tough.

Finding Inspiration for Your Stories (When your writing needs a retreat - Part 2)

The first of the workshops provided by Isabel Costello as part of my recent retreat was about Inspiration.

As a writer, I'm often asked "Where do you get your ideas from?" My stock answer is usually "Everywhere!" Let me give you a few examples...

i) The time we found a bird carcass in our chimney, which sparked the idea for a horror short about a young chimney sweep who perished.
ii) The transparent acrylic guitar spotted in a music shop window, which gave me a title; The Glass Guitar.
iii) The tradition Sardinians used to have of making a mourning blanket, which became a second-placed-in-a-competition story.

You get the idea.

Well, we (the retreatees) were asked how we would define 'inspiration'. My own definition was - 'the thing, seen or heard, which sparks the idea for a story and makes me ask what if...' There were plenty of other suggestions, but my favourite was 'the intake of breath - the 'oooh!' - moment'.

And apparently that was spot on. The word 'inspire' comes from the Latin inspirare - to breathe in, or to breathe life into.

A more formal definition is 'the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially something creative.' It is, essentially, the moment of creation. The lightbulb moment. The seed with potential to grow.

So where does inspiration come from? As in, where in our brains does it happen? There's a lot of evidence that it arises in the subconscious part of our brain - the limbic system. It involves the subconscious, or dreams, or imagination, and is NOT, strangely enough, related to words - even though the form it eventually takes will be written in an author's case.

You'd think that there would be a finite number of ideas to have, wouldn't you? We've probably all heard there are only seven story types - but there are a darn sight more than only seven stories in the world, aren't there? Writers are inspired to see new connections, new ways of using things that already exist - and it's THAT which brings us the rich variety of fiction available to us.

But ideas don't always make it much beyond the inspiration phase. Every author probably has a number of manuscripts or half-finished stories languishing on the laptop or in a notebook. How do you know which idea to run with? Which has legs of its own and will run in a direction you didn't expect? For me, it's the ones that I have the most questions about - but the answers keep coming. It's the idea that keeps growing, 'getting bigger and brighter' was how Isabel described it, before she gave us our first prompt; a woman is standing in front of a house.

We began to throw a few ideas around - there was something inside she wanted. It was her childhood home. She was stalking someone. Destiny lay beyond the front door... As we talked, we started to build on the basics and the suggestions got more involved. The 'growing bigger and brighter' was happening. Right there. In that moment!

Inspiration can be found in many and varied places and from much of our lived experience, but wherever we find it, we often find an emotional connection and depth. We draw on how we felt, what we saw, the smell of Grandma's baking or the sound of a song playing on the radio which was playing when... Sensory memory plays a huge role in bringing a scene alive - not only to ourselves, but to our readers.

We used a few more prompts to explore inspiration through place and sensory memory; 'two people walk over a bridge' was the first, and picking a couple of objects from the table was the second. For the first, as usual, every one of us came up with something entirely different even though we'd been given the same starter. The second was much more varied, as you'd expect, but even when two people chose the same object the resulting writing was very, very different.

Here's what I chose, and what I had time to write in the session:

Look closely after you've read what I wrote - can you see what's missing from
the photo that I included in my scene?

     The mist swirled around his feet as he approached the gates. He knew this path well, had walked it many times before. It was still there, slightly soft under his boots after the recent rain but well trodden and familiar. Yet he remained on edge, wondering whether his memory of the way would be sufficient to prevent a stumble or a turned ankle now that he couldn't see it.
      The gates were a ghostly grey, the mist muting their usual shade of wrought iron. They stood open, twice the height of a man, their elaborate swirls and curls writhing along their width.
      He hesitated, peering up at the ornate crown topping their span, admiring the craftsmanship of their creator. 
      And then he put his hand into his pocket and drew out the talisman. His thumb played with the simple cuts which made up the face...

What do you do though, when the ideas dry up? When inspiration isn't filling your head with the next perfect scene in your novel or providing the story you hope is going to win you that competition and big prize?

We spent a little time listening to a recording of Liz Gilbert talking about taking fear and creativity on a road trip. Liz is the author of Big Magic - Creative Living Beyond Fear. And Fear, we came to realise, is not only a close friend of Creativity (everyone has doubt demons or imposter syndrome for example) but is also something which closes us down creatively and reduces our ability to find solutions. It goes back to a basic physical reaction - fear exists as part of our natural fight or flight response. How can we think creatively about how to catch an elephant when the darned thing's chasing us across the savannah? (Must point out here - that's my analogy, not something we were told! Just in case I've not hit the nail on the head). Our brain just can't tell the difference between a physical event (I'm being chased by an elephant!) or a mental one (I don't know what to write next!) We have to get past the fear in order to deal with the problem.

There are various things you can do as an author to get the inspiration flowing past or around the block. Stick your character into an unexpected situation and write about how they react. Break away from the new stuff - go back and edit what you've already done. (That's a favourite of mine when I'm stuck.) Take a long walk in the fresh air. Leave what you're struggling with and find a scene you DO want to write about (I do this ALL the time - my first s****y draft is full of notes like 'describe the room' or 'Bleurgh! This isn't working' that I revisit at a later stage). "Make s**t happen", as the lovely Julie Cohen once told me.

I think, by the end of the workshop, I realised that 'inspiration' is a single word, but it covers an awful lot of 'stuff'. The very act of nailing it down seems to make it lose its magic - how can you possibly explain what happens in your head when you have that moment of clarity and the first spark of something utterly amazing? I get inspired all the time - I throw ideas out ten-a-penny when I'm working with children. I dream vividly, and often incorporate bits I remember into my work. (Though quite what I shall do with the image of a golden Landrover with a large transparent-sided canopy on its back, driving down the High Street in town...only to realise once it had passed me that it was a Popemobile and the Pope was standing under the canopy, waving to everyone, I have no idea. Answers on a postcard, please!)

Inspiration is a mystical, fleeting thing. The real magic lies in what we - I - create with it...

How to market your books - and yourself, as a writer

I've been forced recently to question whether I do enough to market my own books; I've had some really disappointing sales figures.

It got me thinking, and I was challenged to take a look at what I already do, marketing-wise, to see whether I can improve things. So...

Blogging.

I blog, and not as often as I used to, I'll admit.

There are two reasons for that. The first is that over the last twelve, possibly eighteen months, I've been in a bit of a funk. Life has felt like a huge effort - my world seems to have shrunk and I've been pretty down at times. I believe I am peri-menopausal (sorry fellas, if you're reading!) which has affected my mood, confidence, concentration, and motivation. Quite frankly on occasions I've just wanted to shut the world out and curl up in a ball until I feel better. Another reason is that the Squidgelings are both at uni now, and I have found it extremely hard to adapt to them not being at home, as well as coping with issues they have had while they're away. Maybe I should've pushed myself to still share my life and writing, but I simply couldn't.

At least the blog's still here, and it's still the first place people come to, to find out about me and what I write. I like writing posts - and I hope you enjoy reading them, even if there haven't been as many of late.

Website.

I do have one. But set up after the Scribbles 'because authors need a website', I never really saw the need for it after establishing a blog - and it's horribly out of date. I used a freebie website thing to set it up, but the problem was that I didn't find it easy to use or make changes to. I was also using it so infrequently, I'd forget how to do things or the templates would have been updated and I didn't have a clue. I've said before I'm a bit of a numpty when it comes to IT - I'd rather not do it than make a mess.

I did look at getting one set up for me, but the cost was prohibitive, especially if I wanted to transfer all my Scribbles over to a new domain/host/whatever it's called. I will work on it in the future, but even with some lovely advice available from BInk, it's literally all double-dutch to me.

Facebook.

I'm on it. As myself, not as 'Author', and I'll admit to being very careful here about posting marketing information. Mainly cos facebook take offence if you sell on an undesignated page, but also because facebook for me is about more than selling. It's friendship and keeping in touch, and I don't want to jeopardise friendships by seeming to ram my books down people's throats. Of course I share when I've got a new book out or a cover reveal, but I don't do it to gain sales - I do it to share my excitement.

In all of my social media, I'm genuinely me, and that's something that seems to be really valuable when...

Selling the books.

The vast majority of sales for my novels are direct sales - it's relationships that sell books in my experience. People will buy once they've met me, but if they see my books as being written by an unknown author, they don't tend to take a punt without some knowledge under their belt or a recommendation. That's where catchy blurb/eyecatching cover becomes important too.

In the vast ocean of books on Amazon, my novels are mere amoeba and have to fight extra hard for attention. Especially when it's probably not children - my target market - doing the searching for suitable reading materials, but their parents and grandparents. Ditto on a bookstore shelf; most bookstores have children's titles limited to the big names or popular formula series that children love to read.

My novels have proven to have crossover appeal (instead of middle-grade, they need an 'anyone over 9 years' tag!) but labelling them as children's books can put adults off buying them for themselves.

And the price...I've said it before and I'll say it again - selling children's books is hard. An unknown author, whose books are twice the price of a known author (I know, there's also economy of scale to consider) is unlikely to get chosen. But a lot of the time the price is out of my control...

So relationship is really important for my sales figures.

Reviews.

I do get some lovely comments from readers. I also get some lovely reviews, but not very many. That said, I'm not very good at asking for feedback. All my books are listed on Goodreads and I've done giveaways; I've had one review as a result. One. From several, multiple copy giveaways.

Book reviewers like to have ARC's (Advance Reader Copies), and I'd be happy to send some out - but who do you ask? Children? Adult readers? Book bloggers? (The latter are really hard to get featured by, and I've not seen many for children's books.) The latter tend to focus on big names...

Author events.

I do a fair few of these in schools, for groups, or at fairs. I normally hope to cover my table fee, if nothing else - but schools can be tricky as they may not want you to sell direct. Most of the money I make as an author comes from events where I'm giving a talk or running a creative writing session and charge a fee - any books sold on top are usually a bonus.

Guest blogs.

I don't do this very often, but sometimes I write blogs for other sites. This widens my reach, but doesn't necessarily convert to sales.



Looking at all of that, I think I market myself more than my books - but I market myself in order to sell my books. Does that matter? It gets sales...but maybe I need to backtrack a step.

Why did I start writing books in the first place? To give readers good stories. Did I want to be rich and famous? No - I wanted to encourage children to read. So maybe, just maybe, I need to not be so worried about the marketing? Having said that, I'll ask for more reviews. I'll blog more. I'll take another look at the website and attend more author events if life allows me to. I might even blow my own trumpet a bit more.

Oh, and I'll be sure to hand out some of my new business cards...

NaNoWriMo 2019 - sickness and success

I decided to have a go at NaNoWriMo this year to work on Tilda 3, and get the first draft up on computer. Previously, I've done NaNoEdMo for myself, which meant that I had a manuscript fairly well developed already, and I worked on editing throughout the month instead of fresh work. This is the first time I've used a NaNo initiative to create relatively new material.

I'm just over half way through, and here's where I'm at:

• written for 15/17 days
• just over 22K words down to meet a target of 50K
• predicted to finish on Dec 8th

It doesn't sound bad, especially when you consider that the two days I've not written were a combination of sickness (lovely little coldy-coughy bug in the run up to Christmas) and family events (had both the Squidgelings at home with a short overlap - first time we've all been together since September, and family's sometimes more important than any goals we might set for ourselves.)

What's a little worrying at this stage is that I'm almost at the end of the story, and there simply aren't the words to make it a decent length. BUT when I looked at what I've written, I realised that I'm not actually 'writing' the scenes. They're more like notes on what's going to be happening, they're not fleshed out in any way, shape, or form. So I'm hopeful that if I hit the end of the story before the end of November, I'll be able to go back and really work on the individual scenes.

I've never been a particularly disciplined writer, but this particular NaNoWriMo has highlighted to me that I don't work well in trying to be creative under pressure. I think I need to take more time at this stage, and use the discipline of NaNoWriMo to focus on the editing. That said, I'll carry on this month, without feeling guilty about having missed the odd few days or ending up with a completely finished script at the end of it. 

Interestingly, when I did CampNaNo in June, we were able to set our own word count target, and as I'd turned mine into a 'words edited' target, perhaps I had unrealistic expectations as to what it meant to write 50K new words...I mean, Kingstone took 74 days to get the story notes down, and another 60+ to get to the point of a 46K first draft!

Do I think I'm being successful so far this NaNo? Well I've written more days than not, and my word count keeps increasing, so yes. It will be interesting to see where I'm at by the end of the month...I'll keep you posted. But right now, I'm off to get the 2,000 words down NaNoWriMo tells me I need to get back on track!

Quilting capers

Apologies to Quorn Country Crafts, but this is very late getting written up!

I went to a quilting exhibition a couple of weekends ago, organised as a charity event by QCC in East Leake. You may remember I'd been before, when the shop was still in Loughborough. This time it was held in a school hall.

To give you an idea of the size of some of the quilts

Many were for sale

It's always good to see quilts others have designed and sewn, as they give you all sorts of inspiration for future projects. This time, I think there were more 'picture' quilts than ones focusing on mixes of colours, which just goes to show how trends and fashions change. Especially when it comes to the use of machined details and applique.

Here are some of my favourites from the day...

Lovely overlapping squares in monochrome

Another optical illusion - love these colours

I loved the lime green with the aqua

Some needlefelting too...

3D butterflies and a fabulous elephant

Twelve months in applique

A thought provoking message with this one

A fleecy quilt, rather than the usual cotton

Loved how the strips framed the central panel

I've never mastered circles...

More fun applique

Lots of machine-stitched applique and embroidery in the panels

Loved these colours

Lots of machined lace as embellishment

Completely hand-stitched...

...and a lovely pattern

My absolute favourite though, was a quilt made entirely out of denim, and slow-stitched, Japanese style. It was such an obvious labour of love, with hours of work going into all the hand stitched details and decorations. It didn't have straight seams, because the denim and indigo fabrics were pieced together fairly randomly, and I loved the individuality of it.

 Afterwards, I had to stop by the shop, of course. I haven't got any fresh projects in mind (I have two quilts on my bed, one in the spare room, Squidgeling T's quilt's in Manchester, I've done two lap quilts and was very, very close to finishing Squidgeling J's quilt) that I mooched for a bit and gave in to a pack of tiny squares (might be OK for a cushion cover), some Christmas project fabric, and a charm pack in lovely pinks and aquas. Perhaps another lap quilt...?

I was inspired to go home though, and finish binding J's quilt. It is the first time I think I've ever been dressed in the colours of a quilt as I've bound the edges!

Love putting the binding on.

Colour co-ordinated quilter!

Close up of the 'squircles' quilted on the top

Mr Squidge, showing off the full size quilt.

Then I took some fabric I'd had for ages - with the aim of using it for cushion covers in the lounge - and cut it all into strips to make a kind of DIY jelly roll. I'd seen a video where you can make stripes along the length of a quilt rather than across, and the way it goes together is rather random. Now if I've learnt anything about myself and quilting, it's that I'm not very good at random. I like to lay everything out and get a balance of colours before I start, so this is a bit of a challenge. I'll keep you posted...