So, we had a bit of Friday fun to find out more about him, his army of slugs and Mr Snazzy (his moustache).
Me: You’re almost 100 years old if certain folk are to be believed. What’s your secret to looking so young?
EZ: Don’t believe certain folk. According to ‘certain folk’, I’m over a hundred years old and yet other ‘certain folk’ say that I’m at least 140 years old. There’s even ‘certain folk’ that think I’m over 140 years old. I would believe certain ‘certain folk’ such as the certain folk I just mentioned.
However, regardless of how old I am (142), I eat plenty of cabbages, drink plenty of cabbage juice and allow myself to be experimented on by those certain folks at L’Oreal to maintain my youthfulness.
Me: Michel and Duke is about a skateboarder and a bassett hound. Can you do any skateboarding tricks yourself?
Me: You’ve written a book about a dragon called Jellybean – what’s your favourite jellybean flavour? And does Jellybean the dragon eat jelly beans too?
EZ: Cabbage flavour and slug flavour. I make my own jellybeans, though I prefer jelly babies as my teeth aren’t what they were. Jellybean prefers roast knight.
Me: You have an army of slugs at your beck and call. Why slugs? Why not snails – they’ve got their own armoured shell, after all.
EZ: Snails are wimps, hiding behind their shells to withstand attack after attack. Slugs don’t need shells they’re tough and have become resistant to most forms of slander. Don’t forget that a lot of my slugs are genetically modified and are no ordinary slugs… For the answer to why slugs, check out the rhyme ‘Why Slugs?” from my book, Elias Zapple’s Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch.
Me: How easy have you found the whole self-publishing process? How important is the support of other self-pubbers and authors to you?
EZ: I’ve found the self-publishing process exceedingly easy. That’s why I’m already an international bestseller and able to purchase the very best cabbages.
Self-pubbers/authors - none of those are important. What are important are my slugs. When you have an army of slugs, you don’t need other authors.
Me: Mr Snazzy (your moustache) must be pretty famous by now. Have you ever had any other moustaches, and what were they called?
EZ: Mr Snazzy’s fame knows no bounds. Why, he’s even been offered his own radio show! I’ve had Mr Snazzy ever since he was a glint in my eye. There was a predecessor to Mr Snazzy, a fellow called Mr Bristle - however, he died quite unexpectedly. Later I discovered an empty bottle of Noggin Rocker and a receipt from the local barbers.
Me: I love making homemade wine – pink gooseberry is my favourite. Recently, you’ve created Noggin Rocker, a sluggy homebrew. Is this going to be your only alcofrolic beverage, or will we see others in the future?
EZ: Yes, I plan on making a homemade, pink gooseberry wine. If I should discover any competitors then you can be sure that they’ll be slimed and have their batch contaminated by my slugs. I might even throw a cabbage or two.
Me: Eeek! Er... new topic...You’ve just published Rhymes from the Cabbage Patch. What do you enjoy writing more – rhymes or stories?
EZ: Neither. I enjoy creating elaborate battle plans for my slugs to undertake.
Me: What’s your favourite late night snack?
EZ: Grilled slug. My slugs don’t like it when I go to bed late. Perhaps that’s why they keep contaminating my herbal tea with sleeping pills.