T is back at school (albeit still part-time), the ironing pile has been dealt with at last, the house has at last had a thorough clean, I've sorted through the post and my other half is packing for a weekend away. So now, I have - what? - three or four hours to get back to what I love doing.
And you know what? I am a bit scared to even start.
Not because of all the usual fears that I wrote about the other day, but because my life has experienced such upheaval and uncertainty recently, I can't help wondering whether even more unexpectedness will jump out of the woodwork to immediately demand my attention and thwart my efforts to get the words down?
It must be something in my character - I used to get a similar feeling when the kids were babies. Remember the days when you had to do night feeds, with the first one around midnight? Not enough time to get some decent kip before you have to wake up again - so I didn't use to go to bed until after that first feed. I just didn't see the point. As a result, I ended up even more cream-crackered - entirely through my own fault.
When I finished working at school, I told myself that I would be more disciplined about writing; I have to learn to force myself to write. Whatever my fears about interruptions, I have to keep producing words or risk losing what I've already achieved. And I don't want to become a writer who says "Well, I could have..."
I want to be a writer who says "I did."
PS. I've a little less time now I've got that off my chest...but I am going to do some writing now!
Phew! Good to know your son's back at school. Scary times but it is unbelievable how quickly children recover from even the biggest of traumas (particularly when they're back with their friends.) My daughter had a stroke and her recovery was like watching speeded up film. Seriously, it's awful when you're in the thick of illness but they don't let themselves stay down for long :)
ReplyDeleteSo, did you get some writing done (although I would call your blog, 'writing' ;)
Oh gosh, Jaxbee! Hope your daughter is fully recovered now?
DeleteHi Squidge,
ReplyDeleteI had no idea, so sorry to hear about that- but very glad that your son is on the mend. As Jaxbee said, your blog is also writing, so I'm sure you've kept your writerly muscles in trim!
So glad you've found Squidge's Scribbles, Elaine! And yes, I'm beginning to learn that 'writing' doesn't have to be just stories...it's about connecting with an audience, like yourself.
DeleteReally pleased T is on the mend and no wonder it's knocked you sideways in terms of your writing. Even in normal life (without huge life events) my writing is either feast or famine, depending on school term/holidays/minor-life-stuff-that-gets-in-the-way-of-writing. The hardest stage is the point where I'm just coming out of a 'famine' phase because I always end up having that scary-wobble moment of what-if-I-can't but once I'm back into a 'feast' phase, I forget all about the wobble. Looking forward to a creative boost courtesy of York next weekend :-)
ReplyDeleteSO true, Mandy! And yes, looking forward to York very much.
DeleteGlad that your son is so close to getting fully mended and am sure you'll write your way back into writing - you've already done it! - Even a holiday or a weekend's visitors can cause a hiccup I find. Which is where a site that offers prompts for flash fiction can be so good. Or reading.
ReplyDeleteI've realised that when things are a bit tough, I do go for shorts, (stories, not bermudas!)rather than work on the WIP. It helps me feel I've achieved something after all...
Delete