It's Sequel Time!

Actually, I'm not sure if that's strictly true - is it a sequel if you're writing book two in a planned series of five?

I had a quick look round the web for clarification, and it appears that actually, I am writing a series, not a sequel. I found some pretty useful information, like this - how to write a great series - from NY Book Editors. And this - mistakes to avoid - from Now Novel.

I suppose I wrote the first book of the series - working title The Mage of Merjan - so it could be read as a stand alone title, because I had no idea when I began to write it whether I or it was ever going to be published. (Fun fact: by comparison, StarMark started of as a series of three books but came together as one complete story.)

But in my head, the original story of this particular series was always much bigger than one book. There were five regions on the island where the story's set, and I wanted my main character to visit each of them in turn. Each visit to a new region would present a fresh adventure for the main character while continuing to expose them to a formidable enemy.

Incidentally, I was told by an agent in a 1-2-1 once that there was no point in writing this series as five books. I should just have three, because he said so. I smiled sweetly, bit my tongue (Harry Potter has seven, books, so what's wrong with longer series?) and carried on anyway.

When I read the articles on series writing, I was relieved to see that my approach - to plan the whole series pretty much up front - was actually a Good Thing to do, especially for fantasy. It means there's one BIG story arc which overlays however many books, but underneath are multiple smaller story arcs, with each book finishing off at least one. This is different to the kind of series where each book presents a complete and separate incident for the same central character - something like Agatha Christie's Poirot, for example.

So where am I up to with book number two of five? The outline is planned - I know what's going to happen and to who, and where the story finishes ready to move on into book three - and I've begun to type it up.

Already, one difficulty is deciding how much book one story to repeat in book two, so that readers new to the series are informed, but those who've read book one won't be going over too much old ground. It's a fine balance, and will probably have to be tested at the beta reading stage by those who have read The Mage of Merjan and by some who haven't.

I've also noticed a new addition to the Doubt Demon family since I've begun the typing up. It's only a little fella, but he keeps whispering 'what's the point of writing the second book if you don't know whether the first will ever be published?'

? ?  ? ? ? ?  

I can't give him the answer, so I'll ignore him as much as I can at the moment. And in the meantime, I'll carry on writing the continuation of Tilda's story in the hope that someone, somewhere, will like the concept enough to publish the entire series.

York 15 : the first instalment.

The Festival of Writing. Every year I wonder whether I should go and this year I wondered even more, because I didn't have anything I felt was 'ready' to take. Even on the way up to York, chatting away to my travel-buddy Imran (who you might remember designed the covers of Granny Rainbow and is in his own right, a fabulously enthusiastic author of several books), I didn't feel particularly excited.

As soon as I stepped through the doors of the Roger Kirk Centre and saw the first of many familiar faces, I started grinning: there was the wonderful Writer's Workshop team booking everyone in, 'leprecaun noir' author Paddy and Nick Sheridan, cloudie friends like Skylark, Raine, John and J.Net, the amazing Debi Alper, agents and authors... The tingle was most definitely back, and as the weekend went on, I was glad I'd decided to make this my fourth year.

Some of you reading this from here on in will wonder what the heck I'm on about, but those Who Were There will understand these snippets from the weekend - some more than others!

"A proper author has an agent." Sam Copeland (just imagine how that went down in an audience which included several successful self-published authors...)

"That shower curtain REALLY loves me!" J.S. Law

"Every writer is full of faith and full of doubt - and self-criticism" and "You become a new writer with every book you start." Nikki French duo, Sean French and Nicky Gerard

"Why, oh why, does the publishing industry treat me like a leopard?" Unknown disgruntled writer

"Readers are bloodhounds for truth and authenticity." Shelley Harris

"Today is Severus Snape Sunday. Because." Julie Cohen

"Success relies on talent, tenacity and timing." Diane Beaumont

"My kidneys are crying!" Competition winner, the morning after the champagne...

"I was woken by The Phantom Noseblower at 6am." Me. (I'd forgotten how thin the walls are in uni halls!)

"They've asked to see the full MS!" Heard from far too many folk to name you all individually. You know who you are, and I'm cheering you on.

I will blog more over the next few days - about the specific workshops, my 1-2-1 feedback, the gala dinner and keynote speakers - because every time I go to York, I learn something. I learn something about myself, about the craft, about the people I spend time with.

This year, I learnt that I still have some fundamental flaws in my approach to storytelling, that I have a recognisable writing style (hereafter to be referred to as Squidge-speak) and that it's more the structure than the voice which means I fail to capture that elusive 'wow' factor.

But that's what York does; it enables, encourages, challenges you to be the best writer you can be. Not necessarily 'best' as in the most successful or well-known - but the best YOU can be.

I'm still trying to be the best I can. I AM moving forwards but I haven't reached the finish line yet, where I can say (like one of the competition winners who'd had multiple MS requests) "I think I get it now...I know how all of this works." One day...

Inspiration

Most authors will have several sources of inspiration.

I'm not talking about story inspiration here - the 'where do you get your ideas from' that pops up in every Q&A session I've ever experienced. I'm talking about people.

For me, there are other authors. For example; the late, great Sir Terry Pratchett; the more recently discovered Mark Lawrence; my friend, Jody Klaire. They're not inspiring simply because they write great books which I love reading. It's the people behind the books who inspire me, particularly their struggles against what life throws at them. They amaze me with their determination, their positive approach to life and their sheer joy in the creation of stories. And they are only three of many others I could've named...

Then there are the Cloudies. If you're a regular reader of the Scribbles, you'll know I'm a member of the Word Cloud, an on-line writers' community. Over the last few years, I have made many friends there. I looked back over some of my earlier blogs recently; one was written after the agent I had at the time let me go and I received a particularly harsh rejection for a manuscript, while at the same time several other cloudies were posting the fabulous news that they'd signed contracts. The cloudies were 'a cloud under my feet' at that time, lifting me up and helping me through the self-doubt and depression that inevitably followed, encouraging and cheering me on. They've also since celebrated good news with me, and many of them are more special to me than I can probably ever explain. It makes the Cloud community a unique place.

Last night, I got to personally thank someone else who'd inspired me.

Probably three years ago, while working as a learning support assistant at school, I was privileged to sit in on a visit by the author Andrew Cope. Now for those who don't know, he's the author of the 'Spy Dog' series, a happiness expert and is studying for a PhD at the university in Loughborough.

During that visit, I got chatting to him about my writing, and told him about the novel I'd written which hadn't been picked up by publishers. He told me not to give up - and in line with the talk he gave the children that day, I set myself some achievable goals.

Things didn't work out quite the way I'd hoped or planned on the writing front after that; I had some short stories published (for charity), the first novel was rejected by publishers, I wrote another, lost my agent, got despondent...

But then I stopped work, focused on writing. As a result Granny Rainbow was published, several other short stories were published (still pretty much free as the anthologies haven't sold in huge numbers, but hey, my name's out there!) I revisited StarMark and rewrote large portions of it, sent it to a publisher, published More Granny Rainbow...and then signed a contract for StarMark!

Things have been looking pretty good - but what's that really got to do with Andy?

Well, last night was the Awards Evening for my children's school and Andy was the guest speaker. Mr Squidge, J and I were invited as T had won an award.

After almost clapping my hands off for everyone who won something (T rocked the audience with Rock Club - they play a mean cover of Muse - and walked away with a musicianship award and one for outstanding contribution to the drama performance *proud mum*), Andy spoke about happiness.

Happiness is a lie. It's not a goal you reach - you won't finally grasp it when you get good grades, meet the perfect partner, get that dream job, etc etc. Instead, it lies within each of us and it's got a lot to do with gratitude. As Mr Squidge put it later, it's about finding the silver lining, however big the cloud. Smile at people, say hello, choose to be happy. As an aside, did you know that a hug only counts (ie has benefits to the hugger and huggee) if it lasts for seven seconds? Though Andy advised us not to count one elephant, two elephants etc as that can make it seem weird...

Anyway, at the end of the evening, I caught up with Andy. I explained I'd seen him a few years ago; he remembered talking about the novel and asked where I was up to with it. When I told him that StarMark was due to be published and that it was partly due to what I'd heard him say way back when, because that's when I decided to give up work and focus on the writing, he seemed super-chuffed.

It's not often you get to thank your inspirations personally, but I hope that, in a few years time, some of the students who listened to Andy last night can go back to him and tell him what he inspired them to achieve too.

#FOW14 - What a weekend!

*This blog post has been thoroughly disinfected and debugged*

Advice for anyone thinking about spending a weekend away on a writing conference - don't go if you've got the lurgy.

To be honest, I'd had a couple of 'meh' days before I went, but I'd had such a busy run-up to York, I put it down to being tired and told myself it would pass. And of course, on Friday, I was so pumped, I felt heaps better and went.

In hindsight, that was probably not such a good idea; I spent two days full of a cocktail of paracetamol and ibrufen, stole copious amounts of loo roll from York Uni to stem the flow from my nose, tried not to hug/breathe on too many friends for fear of passing said lurgy on, and almost did myself an injury attempting to cough quietly in every session I attended.

At least I didn't get a migraine.

Anyway. York. Where to start?

With friends I've met before and those I'd only met in a virtual landscape? Or maybe those I've made during the weekend? It is always lovely and very special to meet up with Cloudies, however fleeting the encounter, but there's also something to be said for the writers you probably would never have met at all, if it weren't for the conference.

What the cloudies do best - support other cloudies in their ventures!

Or maybe meeting with agents and authors? Feeling just a little tingle of pleasure when your face is recognised and they say hello or ask how your day's gone or pass comment on something you said in a session (see - you're not just an anonymous writer - you said something they remembered!) or even tell you that you look gorgeous in your gala frock!

Me having a chat with the lovely Allie Spencer

Perhaps I need to tell you about the 1-2-1, that all important and absolutely terrifying moment when you hear what someone in the business thinks about what you've written; the hard truth about what might need fixing to make the piece sing - or the unbelievable news that the agent wants to see more. This year, my 1-2-1's were not particularly high points, but there were plenty for whom it was and I'm celebrating their success whilst at the same time trying to suss out my own future direction.

How about sharing the moment where I heard the wobble in Matt Haig's voice that spoke of the deeply personal nature of 'Reasons to Stay Alive' when he shared an extract at the keynote closing speech - a wobble I have encountered myself when sharing deeply personal faith experiences with an audience. Matt, you will never now how much I felt for you then: I am so glad you powered on.

Maybe I ought to tell you about the copies of Granny Rainbow I sold and signed alongside the lovely Jody Klaire and her book, The Empath? And stopping Dave Gaughran as he walked past the table on his way to lunch, just to tell him that self-pubbing Granny was entirely down to his workshop last year, when I decided that it wasn't so impossible to get her into print...

The walking advertisement that was Em...

And musn't forget the workshops. They'll probably get posts of their own over the next few days, but suffice to say that I have not come away empty-handed from any of them. They might even have pointed to a major flaw in my approach to writing a novel...but I need to brood on that one a bit more before I share.

Or the work-in-progress you hear about. Why WAS there a red-headed girl in the attic? What will happen to the man who had his toes eaten by leprechauns? Why did the Vikings disappear from Greenland? How does the story end for the mother who has lost her child to a religion there is no turning back from? There are so many 'I'd love to read that!' moments. Especially when you share a table with not one, but three Friday Night Live shortlisters, the lovely Susan Franklin and her 1-2-1 team, AND the author Nick Sheridan!

How about moments of shared experience, like the photoshoot of fellow self-edit graduates? There were plenty of us there, and many others who weren't...but I would highly recommend doing the course. You'll never look at your writing in quite the same way again...

Some of the self-edit graduates with the wonderful Debi and Emma, out tutors.
(Note my flashy silver shoes...!)

And the food. I had no complaints at all - other than I didn't feel like eating much. No-one needed to go hungry, as proven by this photo of lunchtime cake!

Writing fuel

I could go on, but I'm feeling pretty cream-crackered now. I'll post more over the next few days, but for now, I'm all Yorked out, and I need to rest up if I'm going to be fit for the local author event at Loughborough Waterstones tomorrow (4-6pm - you can order copies of Granny if you haven't already got one, plus chat to around 30 authors from the area) as well as attending the second launch party for KLiCbait vol 1 on Thursday evening in Leicester (7pm onwards in the Parcel Yard, next door to Leicester Station).

Thinking about why I write how I write...

If you've followed the Scribbles for a while, you'll know I've had a few problems with getting my writing accepted by agents. 'Nice' is a word that crops up a lot, as well as the phrase 'lacks sparkle'.

In a conversation with an agent recently, who said both of those things (along with some other very lovely feedback and suggestions for possible improvements for Rurik), I was given a challenge to try to find 'sparkle' ingredients.

Said agent asked me to re-read some of my favourite children's stories and try to identify why I liked them so much. Was it the characters? The action? The dialogue? Then, look at what I considered to be the exciting bits in Rurik and decide whether I could see the same things there - and if not, how would I change what was already written?

I find this SO hard to do! I don't know why I enjoy certain books rather than others! I just know that I like it or I don't - if I get sucked in, it's generally because of a mixture of things.

I do know that what I don't like reading - and therefore avoid writing - include some of the following;

1. Long descriptions of people or places (I want to see action!)
2. Characters with stilted dialogue (Oh, Mrs Smith, do you remember that he pursued me to the woods? Oh yes, he chased you for half a mile over Farmer Fairley's fields and you were quite muddy when you got home, were you not?)
3, Convenient storylines (and then the butler appeared with the same knife in his hand so he was the murderer)
4. Ping-pong dialogue (Are you OK? Yes I'm OK. Are you sure? Yes, of course I'm sure - will you stop fussing? I'm not fussing, I'm concerned)
5. Detailed descriptions of action scenes (Jim's right fist thrust upwards as his left leg kicked out towards the bloated stomach of his attacker. The impact jarred Jim to the core but he followed through with a side chop to the larynx...)
6. Cliffhanger endings (The mystery was solved. 'But you are not my son,' Father said. My whole world had just fallen apart. The End.)

Working on the flip side then, that must mean that generally, I like...
1. Lots of subtle little details about people and places that bring them alive.
2. Dialogue that's realistic.
3. A plot that carries me onwards all the time and then makes me go 'oh! I didn't see that coming, but it's so obvious now!'
4. Action that isn't necessarily a fight scene.
5. A complete story - something that ties up enough loose ends to come to a logical conclusion but also leaves enough strands to weave into a new story at a later date.

I thought - hoped - I included these things in my own writing, but feedback continually shows I'm falling short somewhere.

I wonder how much of the problem comes from the fact that as a child, I read 'nice' books? They were gentle stories which took you on fantasy adventures, unlike the rollercoaster rides of action which seem to be pretty popular today. Off the top of my head, I'm remembering the Magic Faraway Tree, Olga da Polga, King of the Copper Mountain...I can certainly see that 'gentler' element in my own creations. Don't get me wrong - I'm not averse to a bit of Alex Rider, or Skulduggery Pleasant, or Artemis Fowl, but I do get exhausted reading them because of their relentless pace! As a result, I don't write that kind of story - my pacing ebbs and flows.

I suppose the question is, are there enough children today who still appreciate a 'gentle' read? Or will I need to change what appears to be my natural (gentler) writing style to fit the (faster paced) market to stand any chance of reasonable success?

Looking back - and looking forward.

I'm going to take a break from the Scribbles over the next week - unless something awesome happens that I need to share - so it seems a good time to look back over my year of words.

I've been published - six short stories in five charity publications. And I was runner-up in a short story competition, to be published as an anthology ebook of winners and runner-uppers in 2014.

I parted company with my agent. An unfortunate event, but the silver lining is that it has forced me to write what I enjoy writing rather than what I think will please other people. Whether that means success or failure in the future, I do not know...

I edited the heck out of Rurik and submitted him to new agents. He's been thoroughly rejected by 'the industry', in spite of being favourably received by readers...I've even been asked for the next story in the series.

I started a new WIP - Ani's story - which is coming along slow but sure after I finally found my voice (with some help from Les Edgerton).

I attended the Festival of Writing, a great weekend with old and new writer friends.

I started Squidge's Scribbles late in June, jumping straight into the Ultimate Blog Challenge in July. I really enjoy blogging and it appears there are quite a few folk who like what I say; today, I'm almost at 9000 hits and have a small band of followers, so at least I know I'm not talking to myself most of the time!

I did a little bit of paid editing work for a publisher - and a lot of unpaid editing for fellow writers. It's really satisfying to see good stories grow and develop into some brilliant work when authors take on board the feedback and apply it in the way that suits them.

As for 2014...

Well, Granny Rainbow will be published in January if all goes according to plan via Panda Eyes, a local indie publisher. Getting the work formatted, edited, contacting printers, working with a publisher and cover designer AND seeing my characters come to life in illustrations has been the steepest of learning curves, but I am looking forward to getting a book of stories (that are entirely mine) out to an audience. I'm also scared witless for the same reason!

I will write, of course, though which project to focus on, I have no idea. Depending on the success (or otherwise) of Granny, Rurik may or may not be self-published. Ani's story is still begging to be told, as is Peril in Pergatt, the next book about Rurik. Add to that blogging, Word Clouding, Helping on the Stories for Homes blog...there will be lots of words.

But between now and then comes Christmas and New Year. A chance to take stock and count my blessings in what has been, on balance, a very good writing year. Thank you, dear blog reader, for sharing the last six months with me. 

As we finish 2013 and turn our faces towards 2014 and whatever it may hold for us, all that remains is for me to wish you and yours a very

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

(Source; 'Tales from the Rainbow Room' blog)

I've lost my voice...

No, I don't mean I've got some horrible lurgy! I'm talking about 'voice' - that indefinable something that appears in what a writer writes.

In the past, I've been accused of being 'too nice'...of not being 'thrilling' enough...of not having 'commercial sparkle'. Last Friday, I received another rejection for Rurik; 'fluent and professional, but the voice was not strong enough to draw me in.'

I've heard it before in various guises, so it didn't surprise me. I'm not overly disappointed either - there are more agents to hear from who might have other things to say.

What it did start me wondering, was whether my 'voice' will EVER be strong enough for an agent. I know what 'voice' means - I can recognise it in others and often wish to goodness that I had something as distinctive - but I don't think it's something that can be manufactured. I recognise that I am, first and foremost, a storyteller, and I think I tell a good story.

Just not with a 'strong voice'.

I found this at Writing World, in a post about 'Finding your Voice as a Children's author':

'One thing that separates great authors from mediocre ones is that their writing appears effortless, even if it took tremendous work to achieve. A forced voice happens when authors try too hard to sound like a writer. I think the best voices appear when authors write as they speak. Has a story ever sounded profound and lyrical in your head, but lost something when you put it on paper? That's because in your head you're telling the story to yourself in your speaking voice, and when you write it down suddenly you're trying to be a writer. You go searching through the thesaurus for the perfect word, something you'd never use in normal conversation. You use three words of description, just because you can, rather than one word that really says everything you need to say. And suddenly in that process of writing down what's in your head, you've lost your voice. You've adapted the voice of someone else, or the voice you think your writing should have. So next time you write, try writing exactly what's in your head. If you type, try typing your writing exercise with your eyes closed, so you can't see the computer screen. Closing your eyes also helps you focus inward where the story is being conceived. Then you'll be guided by how the words sound and feel, and that's the closest thing to your true voice.'

So there you have it - I'm probably destined to be a mediocre author rather than a bestseller.

What do I do then, about my 'voice'?

1. Stick with it - this style and voice which IS mine at present - even though it doesn't suit the industry?
2. Be true to myself and put reader's opinions about my stories above the market's opinion, ignoring the issue of voice completely?
3. Stop worrying about whether a 'proper' publisher wants to publish my stories, because in this age of self-publishing it is (relatively) easy to publish myself?
4. Alter how I write?

I really don't know.

To those of you who've read my 'stuff' - can you see 'me' in every piece I write? Is there a recognisable 'Katherine Hetzel' element to my work?

If so, WHAT THE HECK IS IT? I'd love to know...

Progress on my writing targets - how much have I achieved?

Some time back, I set myself some targets in my writing. You can see them here. I looked back over them today, and have surprised myself with what I've achieved.

1. Get Rurik ready for York; York is a dim and distant memory now, but Rurik was there! Admittedly he got conflicting reviews (!) and since then, has been tweaked to reduce the 'ring problem', but that means he's...

2. ...ready to submit to agents again. Over half term next week, I shall be hunting children's agent details, ready to send Rurik out into the world again... And if all else fails, I may self-pub.

4. Plot ideas for a new book; (and yes, I've missed number 3 out - I'll come to that in a minute!) I have begun to jot ideas for not one, but TWO completely different stories. One fantasy, one historical. I've been very organised (for me) and kept them in separate notebooks so they don't get confused, and I've taken the 'just do it' approach to Ani's story, which has been a bit of a revelation.

5. Be more disciplined about writing; since giving up work, I have not felt under as much pressure to write, which oddly, has meant I've been more productive. I have the freedom to clean the house in a morning for example, then write for a couple of hours in the afternoon. The Ultimate Blog Challenge has helped, as have the challenges on terrible minds and the latest charity collections by the short story group I belong to. On the whole - yes, I now write every day - blog, flash, on the laptop, in a notebook, on rough paper...

Finally.

3. Self-publish Granny Rainbow; She's formatted, looking lovely, and out with some young readers at the moment. Laura is working hard to get the pictures finished this month (studies permitting), and I am waiting to hear when I can meet the local publisher to see if he wants to take Granny on. If not, I'm ready to go POD. A friend is playing with cover ideas and I've also been researching local independent bookshops with a view to asking them to stock a book which has been written and illustrated by local folk ('It's a local shop, for local people!' The League of Gentlemen). All this - without a physical book in my hand. I think it's the area where I've had to do the most, yet I'm still a way off achieving the end result. But it will come, hopefully before Christmas.

So there you go.

Squidge is on track and feeling good, though she's becoming aware that she needs to stop herself from getting too distracted by all the 'little' writing projects and keep focussed on the bigger WIP's.

Rings - has Tolkien cornered the market?

So - a few days ago, I had a very kind rejection from an agent for Rurik. Basically, I was told my writing looked good, but he couldn't see 'rings' selling.

For those who don't know Rurik, the story is about a ring of power that is separated from four other rings (to which it is linked) and hidden by its bearer to prevent the baddie taking all their power for himself; it's up to Rurik, the main character, to find the hidden ring and return it to the rightful owner.

But as soon as I mention 'rings', a phantom rises up to haunt me - Tolkien. I have rings in my story, therefore it's too much like LOTR or The Hobbit.

I don't think so.

But the novel seems to be consistently judged against that one idea. Unfair it may seem - but the agent/publisher has to make money out of my words, so they need a unique selling point. Mind you - how many boy wizard stories followed on from Harry Potter? Or vampiric love stories after Twilight? Or diary-type novels after Diary of a Wimpy Kid? What makes rings so untouchable after Tolkien? Apart from the fact he was a genius and his books are classics, of course.

Anyway - the subject has been broached before, several times and by different people, about changing the rings for some other object of power. I have played with a few ideas, but I keep coming back to rings, mainly because they fit the story - and to be honest, the thought of rewriting to fit a new and different object into the novel fills me with despair. I have edited and rewritten this story so many times - to improve the storyline generally so it became entirely stand-alone instead of the first part of a five-stage quest, to include an agent's suggestions (which once included, they decided they didn't want either the story or me after all), and to act on suggestions received via a professional critique.

I still believe in the story. I think it has legs, even if it IS about rings of power. But the commercial world doesn't seem to think the same.

So what do I do? Stick to my guns and hope that someone, somewhere will see beyond the Tolkien connection? Self-publish and be damned? Give it all up and start something totally new and unique and off-the-wall?

*sigh*

I just don't know what to do for the best...

Fear - and writing

I've read a couple of posts recently, about writers and fear. 

Andrea Phillips, guesting on terrible minds, wrote about the four fears that stop you writing...and after a whole summer without writing much at all, topped off with an agent rejection for Rurik because the story is about rings, (and apparently Tolkien and Wagner have cornered that market), I am very much feeling The Fear. 

Andrea used four categories, which pretty much seem to cover everything about The Fear. Here's how they eat away at me. Some, more than others...

1. Fear about (lack of) talent.

I am so hard on myself. I write my stuff, then I compare it to the work of someone who writes more action, more quirkily, more descriptively, more...everything! And my inner critic says - 'you're rubbish.'

I enter competitions and never allow myself to consider the possibility of being placed, because there will be a million others all entering the same thing who can string words together in a way that will make the reader go all gooey like I never can. I might as well save myself the cost of an entry fee.

It's a risk, letting people see what I've written. Especially when, as a writer, there is so much of 'me' in what I write about. But if I don't take risks, I'll never know what could have been. And if I don't enter any competitions, ever, I can say with 100% confidence that the chances of being placed are definitely zero.

So I keep writing, trying new things, testing myself and my capabilities.

2. Fear about feedback.

I am now a little more restrained regarding who I ask for feedback, having been bitten a few times by folk who told me how I should write/they would write a scene, instead of suggesting ways of improving it. I have some writer friends whose opinion I trust, and the rest fall into the category of 'take with a pinch of salt unless they all say the same thing or what is said makes sense'. And - shock! horror! - even the opinions of agents and book doctors sometimes fall into the latter category...

That's not to say I ignore feedback - a writer ignores feedback at their peril, and should be constantly striving to improve what they lay down on the page.

And feedback often confirms gut feeling, which I really should learn to trust more.

3. Fear about publication.

If no-one in the professional publishing world can make money out of me ('lacks commercial sparkle' seems to be a consistent theme for my full-length children's novels) then to get my stories to the kids I think will enjoy them, I have got to go it alone.

Self-publish.

Oh.
My.
Gosh.

The traditional route to publication meant I didn't have to think about formatting or cover design or promotion or sales. Self-pub does, and it turns me into a quivering wreck who would rather bury her head in the sofa cushions and never write again than face going it alone.

Which brings me full circle to the risk-factor - if no-one wants to do it for me, then I'll have to do it myself to find out whether kids really would want to read my stories.

4. Fear about being judged.

I know my writing isn't always brilliant, but can I bear others thinking the same thing? Will my work wither and die quietly, like an unfunny comedian? Will it get slated by people I want to impress? Will anybody, anywhere on this planet, actually ever read anything I produce, because they take one look at the title/blurb/cover and go 'Nah!

If I thought like that all the time, I'd never write.

Perhaps I need to add a little something to the famous song from 'La Cage aux Folles' - 'I am what I am'; I am what am I am, and I write how I write.



Having read that lot through, I've just realised something; if I stay true to myself and my story, writing to the best of my ability, then the only judge I have to fear is the one inside my own head.

The Fear will only stop me writing if I let it..

So I'm not going to.  

One down, four to go.

If you remember reading this recent blog, then I've completed one of the goals already.

I pressed the button; Rurik is winging his way through the electronic ether to an agent. I am sitting here wondering what the heck I've done - was he really ready for that again?

The pessimist me is saying 'They'll think it's rubbish!'

The sensible me is saying 'What's the worst that can happen? A form rejection, sent very quickly - so what? You've had them before, but for writing that was nowhere near the quality of the current stuff. You might get some feedback if you're lucky - a line or two saying something nice, even if they don't want to see more. There is always the possibility that they ask to see the rest of the manuscript, in which case, you'd best get those last couple of scenes kicked into order, pronto. And even if, after all that, they still say 'no ta', there are other agents and indie publishers to try - don't lose heart.'

The dreamer and fantasist that lurks behind most of my stories is lying on the sofa, eating chocolate, drinking champagne and telling me 'Darling! They'll love it and have a publisher lined up by next Friday! Film rights to follow!'

Hmm. Well, I've had too much good feedback on this story to believe it's rubbish and I don't particularly like chocolate, so I'm listening to Mrs Sensible...

5 things to do, writing-wise, before the year ends...

1. Get Rurik ready for York - the new prologue and first few chapters are pretty much oven ready.

2. Submit Rurik to agents - there are a couple of scenes which need to be rewritten, but I'm confident I have the outlines in place. Just feel ridiculously scared to send him out again...

3. Self-publish Granny Rainbow - I'm aiming to have at least seven short stories in a collection. I have three stories finished, another four drafted (though 'Granny Rainbow goes green' is giving me a few headaches), and I've lined up an illustrator.

4. Plot ideas for a new children's book - it will be about a famous event that happened in my home town some two hundred years ago, and will ideally be published alongside  a 'grown-up' book about the same event, which I'm helping to edit.

5. Be more disciplined about how often I write - I leave my current employment on Friday, so theoretically I should have more free time after the summer hols.

Rurik. Almost there...

The story I'm working on at the moment is in the final stages of editing - oops! upcycling. I've done a fair few chapters today, but decided to stop, because I've reached the climax and need to reshuffle a few characters around in a vital scene. That requires a lot more brainpower than going through the marked-up manuscript for rampant ellipses and incorrect semi-colons. (I only learnt how to use them properly a few weeks ago! *embaressed*).

If I manage to complete everything by the end of next week, then I can begin to prepare my 3000 word submission for the Festival of Writing in September. There, the start of Rurik's story will be laid bare before both a book doctor and an agent. 

It's a terrifying prospect, because stories are subjective. What you might like to read, I might not. And vice versa. The same goes for the agents; they need to be enthused and bowled over by what I write to sign me up and present the novel to publishers. To date, although I worked with an agent for two years, (we've recently parted company) my first novel 'StarMark' and Rurik haven't been deemed commercial enough to submit. 

Thing is, I'm not writing because I'm after fame or fortune (though I will accept both, graciously, if offered them) - I'm in it for the kids and the love of a good story. I've received good feedback on both novels and am certain that what I've written would appeal to 8-12 year olds, my target audience. 

Fingers crossed that Rurik's story will one day make it onto the page, and to the youngsters it was written for.